Rules to remember: Rules for how NOT to die when living with Autobots
by Wheeliefan101
Summary: (offline)
1. New base, new rules

_**Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for...the Main Event...let's get ready to RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBLLLLEEEEEE!**_

**Wheeliefan101: *jumps up out of nowhere* WHOOO! I'm back peeps! Be afraid! Be _very afraid_!  
**

**Also, I'm listening to Dare to be Stupid so be even _more _afraid! =D**

**So, I bet you're wondering, WHAT THE HECK TOOK ME SO LONG TO PUT THIS STORY UP?!**

**Well, you see, thanks to a suggestion by WolfSpiritFlower, I have decided to write a story to go along with this rule thing. An ACTUAL story. Although, it took me forever to write. I was, like, halfway through making it chapter 1 when I realized: dang! This is gonna take too long! So I just made it a prolog****u****e. Shame on me... )=**

**But I promise to put up Chap 1 of the new story before I post up another one of these chapters. Torture? Not torture? You decide! XD Anyway, I'm going to just leave now and-**

**Prowl: *runs and points to author* There she is! Get her!**

**Wheeliefan101: Crud! He found me! I MUST RUN AWAY! I MUST RUN AW-*gets tackled by him***

**Prowl: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! DISCLAIM OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!**

**Wheeliefan101: Okay, okay! Wheelifan101 does not own Transformers or intend this for offense! GAAAAAAWSH!**

* * *

Chapter 1: New base, new rules

**#1 Do not complain that having Sideswipe and Sunstreaker for guardians is the worst thing that could happen**  
So, I finally get to Autobot base  
And after a few discussions and arrangements, I find out I have the terrible two for guardians (thanks a lot, Prowl!)  
I was none too happy about this, especially since my last encounter with twins  
So I used my only weapon against the twins  
I whined  
They whined back  
But there's two of them  
So I basically lost...  
Then I got lectured about "worse" things that could happen  
Ug

**#2 Don't mutter under your breath, "I thought you said freedom was the right of all sentient beings"**  
I was mad so I mumbled it under my breath when Optimus said I couldn't go home for "safety" reasons  
Unfortunately, someone heard  
Cliffjumper air-kick-jumped me  
It took Prowl, Jazz, Bluestreaker, Mirage, Bumblebee, Seaspray, AND Optimus to pry him off me  
Then they made _me_ apologize  
I am not very happy with these Autobots

**#3 Don't get Ratchet mad**  
Well,  
I was still mad  
I really didn't want a check-up  
So when Ratchet said I needed a check-up, I told him, "Go fall in a hole!"  
Who knew he threw wrenches?! (Ok, so probably everyone but me)  
And I thought Hook was bad with his hooks...

**#4 When you are around Jazz, do not yell, "You wanna piece of me?!"**  
Smokescreen was attempting to train me  
Key word attempting  
I then yelled "YOU WANNA A PIECE OF ME?!"  
Jazz was there  
He got really scary  
First his optic twitched  
Then...  
*shivers*  
It's too horrible to repeat  
And while I was distracted, Smokescreen flipped me over  
Ow  
I wonder why that phrase disturbs Jazz...

**#5 Do not have a staring contest with Sideswipe**  
I was mad at him  
He was mad at me  
We were glaring at each other, trying to make the other blink first  
Then my eyes started watering  
And I blinked  
Sideswipe is such a sore winner  
Sunstreaker tsked at me while shaking his head  
He then said "Silly femme. Don't you know that Autobots don't have to blink?"  
I felt so stupid (shouldn'ta done it in human mode...)  
DUMB LAWS OF PHYSICS!

**#6 No matter what the twins tell you, Ratchet's name is not really Hatchet**  
I've been duped again  
Why do I believe twins when they talk about nicknames?  
Seriously, I so stupid sometimes...  
I called Ratchet that  
I ended up with a lot of dents  
He said he was going easy on me because I was a femme  
Turns out there is a Decepticon named Hatchet  
Who knew?

**#7 Gum is now banned from base**  
So  
I was chewing gum in my Cybertronian form (don't ask where I got gum that big)  
I then began blowing bubbles  
Unfortunately, I blew this REALLY BIG one  
It was seriously like the size of Teletraan-1  
And then it...  
Popped (more like exploded)  
The 'bots found me covered in it  
And half the base covered in it  
We are no longer allowed to have gum

**#8 No matter how much you wish your DSI was a transformer, it never will be**  
I was playing on my DSI and then I had to stop (by had to I mean Ratchet threatened to throw his wrench at me)  
So I sighed and wished aloud that my DSI was a transformer  
I mean...we get along so well!  
Except when my DSI is artificial intelligence and playing against me (I've yelled some very not nice things to it)  
Unfortunately...  
Wheeljack heard my comment  
He tried to turn my DSI into a transformer  
It blew up  
T.T  
R.I.P. my beloved DSI  
Now we'll never now if you were really a transformer  
*sniff*  
But Wheeljack owes me a new DSI

**#9 When Ratchet takes you to the Med-bay for any reason, do not fight him, kicking and screaming, with your final words before entering the Med-bay being, "No! I want to live!"**  
I really don't like doctors or hospitals  
Or in this case, medics and med-bays  
So Ratchet had to drag me, kicking and screaming the entire way  
I grabbed the walls and my last word were, and this is a direct quote, "NO! I WANT TO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!"  
Ratchet was not happy  
Then I got lectured about it by Prowl  
What can I say? I just don't like hospitals (er, med-bays)

**#10 My room is not to be used for a war zone**  
Sideswipe, Sunstreaker and Jazz were fighting over something  
I tried to stay out of it  
Because they put the "rough" in "rough housing"  
But I got to my room, and there they were  
Destroying my room as I know it  
So I did the only thing I knew to do  
Scream "YOU ALL, BETTER GET OUTTA HERE, BEFORE I TELL PROWL YOU'RE MURDERING MY ROOM AND HE DROP KICKS YOUR SORRY TAILPIPES ALL THE WAY TO GOBOTRON AND BACK!"  
They got out of there real fast  
Looks like I got the touch  
The power  
YEAH! (hee hee)

* * *

**Wheeliefan101: Oh yeah! Done! Lol, now listening to The Touch! X3 Hey...maybe _I _have The Touch! I could get the Matrix and become Prime! =D**

**All Autobots: AW, HECK NO!**

**Optimus Prime: EVASIVE MANUVERS! PROTECT THE MATRIX AT ALL COSTS! **

**Ironhide: OMEGA SUPREME! GET IN HERE! THE ENEMY MUST NOT BE ALLOWED NEAR THE MATRIX! IT WILL MEAN CERTAIN DOOM FOR ALL OF US!**

**Wheeliefan101: You Autobots are mean... TT^TT**

**R&R, throw marshmellows, YOU KNOW THE DRILL! ;D**


	2. It's a contact sport

**I-I can explain! This isn't what it looks like!**

**...yeah, okay, it actually is**

**I ****_know _****I promised I would update the new chapter for the story that goes along with this ****_before _****I updated this but...it was taking longer than I expected**

**I'll try harder next time! DX**

**Prowl: Ahem**

**Wheeliefan101: Aw, heck no! You ain't tacklin' me and forcin' me into disclaimin' ****_this _****time! *pats football suit/gear which I happened to be wearing* Do your worst**

**Prowl: *shrug* Okay *whistles***

**Grimlock: *in distance* Me Grimlock ****_love _****playing Football!**

**Wheeliefan101: Wait, wha- D=**

**Dinobots: *run over Wheeliefan101* TOUCHDOWN!**

**Wheeliefan101: CAN'T...BREATH... D8**

**Prowl: Disclaim or I'll make them do it again**

**Wheeliefan101: Wheeliefan...101...doesn't own transformers or...intend this for...offense! *falls over* Oh, gosh!**

* * *

Chapter 2: It's a contact sport

**#11 Do not ask any Autobots where the bathroom**  
I _really_ had to go  
I was lost (the base is big)  
So I had to ask Prowl  
He then asked me WHAT a bathroom was and why I needed it  
I then had to go through an embarrassing conversation  
Prowl backed away from me slowly when I told him  
I STILL haven't found where the bathroom is

**#12 Do not go in front of the 'bots are watching something**  
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were watching football (don't ask me why)  
I had to walk in front of it to go to Optimus' office (I was in deep trouble)  
The yelled at me and Sunstreaker actually SHOT AT ME!  
Ratchet was not happy when he heard what had happened  
He walked out with a wrench in hand  
He didn't come back  
I went in the rec room to see why  
Turns out he was watching too  
WHAT THE HAY?!  
Why is the male gender so attracted to football?

**#13 Holograms are not to be used to scare me**  
There I was, just chasing Cliffjumper around, yelling snappy comebacks at him  
Unfortunately for me, the two terror twins had decided to help Cliffy  
This random dude I had never seen before suddenly appeared  
...right in front of me  
So I had no time to get out of the way  
But here's the twist  
I RAN RIGHT THROUGH HIM  
LIKE HE WAS A GHOST!  
I, of course, screamed like a maniac, clinging to the thing nearest to me  
Which happened to be Prowl  
After Prowl had pried me off of himself, he told me a MILLION times there were no such things as ghosts  
And he dragged the laughing twins and Cliffjumper off to the brig (ha ha!)  
Then Hound told me all about holograms  
Didn't understand a word of it...

**#14 Never open a car door and scratch Sunstreaker's**  
So, it kinda went like this  
I had to go somewhere  
Sideswipe was driving me  
Sunstreaker was next to us (I have no idea why)  
This is how it happened:  
Me: Sideswipe, please open your door  
Sideswipe: You have two arms that work perfectly fine  
Me: Arghhhhhh :( *opens door*  
Sideswipe's door: *hits Sunstreaker and causes a scratch*  
Me and Sideswipe: OoO!  
Me: *slams door shut* DRIVE SIDESWIPE, DRIVE IF YOU HAVE ANY VALUE FOR OUR LIVES!  
That did not end well  
I would tell you what happened but some things are just too gory to be retold

**#15 You cannot hide the fact that you have irregular brain patterns causing in the disruptions of illusions while unconcious that lead to anxiety, stress, and fear**  
In other words:  
You got nightmares?  
The bots are gonna find out about 'em  
You can't hide it  
Believe me, I've tried  
Ratchet asked what was wrong  
I said "nothing"  
The twins asked  
It was harder to keep it from them 'cause there are two of them and they kept pummeling me with questions  
I kept my cool  
I was asleep one night  
I had the nightmares again  
I woke up screaming  
All the Autobots came running in  
They kept asking me what was wrong 'till I finally screamed at them that I as having nightmares  
And broke down into a fit of tears  
Sunstreaker and Sideswipe had to stay with me  
Had to as in forced to  
Because they were like my, you know, guardians (no matter how lousy they may be at it)  
Turns out the nightmares where just stress (yelling at someone somehow helps me get rid of stress)  
P.S. My nightmares were about Soundwave taking off his mask  
(Lol!)

**#16 Don't ask why a song called "The Touch" keeps playing when Optimus fights Megatron**  
I was just wondering  
I asked Prowl  
He glitched  
I think I broke the fourth wall...

**#17 Asking the Autobots the time is not wise**  
They can get real precise  
Down to astroseconds (what ever that is)  
Or they go all transformer-y on you  
What the hay is a megacycle?

**#18 Don't ask Sideswipe to help you with your hair**  
I was going to this dance at school (against my will)  
And I was trying to get my hair to look good (or at least normal)  
Emphasis on TRYING  
Sideswipe heard me and saw my fails and offered to help  
I wound up trapped in my hair  
Sideswipe was like, "OoO! O mi gosh! I can fix this!"  
While I was more like this, "D:! SIDESWIPE! YOU'D BETTER FIX THIS!"  
He ran off to get Sunstreaker  
Sunstreaker surprisingly fixed and made it look better than it did before

I totally got owned by a giant lemon

**#19 Sunstreaker is not a lemon, no matter how much he acts like one**  
I kinda said "I totally got owned by a giant lemon. What is wrong with me?" when Sunstreaker finished my hair and left the room  
I got a lecture  
A long lecture  
About how Sunstreaker is not a lemon  
No matter how much he acts like one  
Frankly, I'm surprised

**#20 Humans do not have cooties**  
I came home from school, muttering about boys, girls, and cooties  
Unfortunately Red alert heard me  
He didn't let any of us near base (which was kinda hard for me)  
They finally had to sedate him when he came after me with a giant can of disinfectant  
Oooh, that was scary!  
Now he just won't let us come near him

* * *

**Wheeliefan101: Still...can't breath...**

**Ratchet: *grumbling* Crazy younglings, not wanting to dislaim...**

**Wheeliefan101: I just...wanna thank Answerthecall, Dragon of Yin and Yang, Jasper Dragonfly, Moonlight Titan, Mera Arem Rema, and Queen Akadeanna Hawk for the favorite *shifts uncomfortably* **

**And Answerthecall, Jasper Dragonfly, Queen Akadeanna Hawk, GoldenNinjaBot360, TFPKO Fan Girl, chili22, and dglsprincess105 for the follow**

**Also, in response to the reviews:**

**Queen Akadeanna Hawk: Glad I could make you laugh :)**

**TFPKO Fan Girl: You asked, I answered, glad you loved it ;)**

**Dragon of Yin and Yang: I did!~ XD**

**Answerthecall: Aw, you're making me blush, stop it ^/^  
No, please continue ;)**

**Ratchet: *grumbles about 'self absorbtion'***

**GoldenNinjaBot360: Yay! Someone else likes chaos! 8D Vote for Wheeliefan101 for Prime!**

**Ratchet: *hits me with wrench***

**Wheeliefan101: ...ow... T.T**

**Kitcat from the Sky: *being pelted by marshmellows* Gah! I didn't ****_really _****mean it! **

***cough* R&R, please ;)**


	3. BACK OFF!

**Wheeliefan101: OMAHFRAGGING GOSH! I FORGOT TO REPLY TO AZUL THE BLUE'S REVIEW! D=**

**Autobots: *chase 101* DISCLAIM!**

**Wheeliefan101: *runs away* NEVER! DX**

**Oh, and Azul the Blue, thanks, she needs it :) *looks back at mob* Both of us -_-"**

**AND LEMME JUST REPLY TO ALL THE OTHER REVIEWS NOW!**

**velciraptor4569: LOL! XD**

**Azul the blue: I did. Once. But everybody threw marshmellows at me... ._.**

**Moonlight Titan: Do you ****_really _****wanna give me ideas? ;D**

**TFPKO Fan Girl: That it is, that it is ;)**

**Answerthcall: Nooooo! I'm killing one of my reviewers! Surprisingly, this isn't the first time... :I**

**Monkeygirl13: Srry for killing you! ;)**

**Tinyterror: ****_I _****know *looks back at Autobots* but they don't! D8**

**Lambor Terror Lep: (both) Mwhahaha! I'm back! }:D**

**Kitcat from the Sky: No! DX Not the jumbo! Anything but the jum-*gets buried under marshmellows***

**GoldenNinjaBot360: (still buried under marshmellows) Mmmf mmh mmh mmn mh mhhh mmm mmff mh! Translation: Yes you are crazy, CRAZY AWESOME! 8D**

**GTG! BYYEEEEE!**

* * *

Chapter 3: Back off!

**#21 Do not randomly hug a 'bot**  
I randomly hugged Mirage  
He asked me what I was doing  
I told him I loved him  
I got sent to the med-bay for a sanity test  
I passed (but just barely)

**#22 When Prowl tells you do something, do it**  
Prowl told me to clean my room  
I whined and complained about it  
Five hours later it still wasn't clean  
That's 'cause I was going on strike  
Then Prowl lectured me  
About what, I have no idea  
He kept lecturing 'till I finally yelled, "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I'LL DO IT! JUST MAKE IT STOP!"  
My room has never looked nicer

**#23 Changing the base's stairs to escalators is not allowed**  
I kept walking  
After five minutes I got suspicious  
Then I started running  
I never reached the top  
I finally yelled for help until Prowl came  
Turns out I was walking UP a DOWN esclalator  
He put the ones responsible in the brig  
My poor legs will probably never walk again

**#24 Grapes are for eating, not wars**  
I was having lunch  
With grapes  
It was all a blur  
Next thing I know, we're firing grapes at each other (Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz, and Bluestreak that is)  
It was real funny when Ironhide came in to see what was happening...  
And slipped on the grapes...  
And fell on his backside  
XD

**#25 You are not allowed to throw Ratchet's wrenches**  
I was working on HARD homework  
Jazz and Sideswipe were playing annoying music  
I finally lost my patient and threw Ratchet's wrench at them  
I'm stronger when I'm angry  
There was a loud crash  
Prowl asked what had happened  
I told him I had thrown one of Ratchet's wrenches at Sides and Jazz  
Ratchet was just attached to it

**#26 Do not try and explain where babies come from to thee 'bots**  
I didn't do it  
No way  
Carly did  
I've never seen so many 'bots glitch at once  
See what you did, Carly?!

**#27 Mistletoes are now banned from base**  
I'm totally afraid of those things  
Especially when I'm in a base full of the opposite gender  
I blasted that thing like there was no tomorrow  
Unfortunately, I almost took Bumblebee's head with it

**#28 Scraplets are terrifying metal killer cannibals, not pets**  
I found one  
Couldn't resist  
Too darn adorable!  
I nearly lost my entire torso when I brought into base  
Prowl made me release it into the wild  
T.T I hope George's okay

**#29 Don't avoid your check ups**  
I used my genius plan and avoided them  
Unfortunately my processor had apparently really gotten messed up (I blame Eject for hitting me in the head with that football)  
The whole base had to go on lockdown  
I turned crazy and went on a killing spree  
Luckily I didn't kill anyone  
Although I haven't seen Huffer around...

**#30 When a liquid a substance falls onto your body, immediately wipe it off**  
Because it could be poisinous acid (courtesy of Wheeljack)  
You want to avoid that  
Or it could just be a spitball (courtesy of the twins)  
You also wanna avoid that

* * *

**I'M BACK AND STILL RUNNING! D8**

**THANK YOU TFPKO FAN GIRL, TINYTERROR, LAMBOR TERROR LEP, KITCAT FROM THE SKY, AND RANDALL BOGGS FOR THE FAV!~**

** *looks behind to see bots gaining* o.O!\**

**ALSO THANKS TO NIC0NYNJA, TINYTERROR, AND LAMBOR TERROR LEP FOR THE FOLLOW! YIIIPES! THEY'RE ALMOST HERE! *puts the pedal to the metal* REVIEW! D8**


	4. You're embarrassing me

**Being chased by Prowl, can't reply right now, srry, GTG R&R, bye!**

**#31 We can no longer have slushies**  
I was eating one in my Cybertronian mode...  
It fell on me and got into my joints  
I couldn't move for three weeks

**#32 New recruits are no longer allowed near me**  
Aww, but I like them! :(  
Although I do tend to freak them out  
Especially with me being half cybertronian...  
And my weird sayings...  
Also the fact that I jump out of nowhere and yell at them...  
And sometimes pounce on them for piggybacks...  
Hm...  
Maybe there's a conection...

**#33 Optimus is no longer allowed to play racing video games**  
We don't care if he's the leader  
We don't care if he's a Prime  
We don't care if he's got 'the touch'  
WE DON'T EVEN CARE IF HE'S GOT THE STINKING MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP! NO RACING GAMES!  
We were driving down the highway  
Optimus spotted a Decepticon  
He then said, and this is a direct quote, "Autobots, I'm in Hot Pursuit!"  
_As if he was actually in the game!_  
That called for an epic facepalm  
I can never be seen in public with him again

**#34 Do not try and kill the new recruits**  
No matter how annoying they are  
I personally like them  
But you won't allow me to be near them :(  
I mean, all I do is creep them out!  
You guys try to kill 'em  
Although that one guy did go into therapy...

**#35 When Prowl tells you to do a report, do not write it in text**  
Heh heh  
Prowl was mad  
_REALLY_ mad  
He didn't glitch  
I wasn't that fortunate  
No, he chased me around base yelling somethings I'm pretty sure are not legal to repeat  
None of the bots even lifted a finger to help :(  
He finally caught me when I smacked into that wall  
He made me go to the brig, re-write the report, grounded me, made me STAND in the corner of the brig and count to a gatrillion zillion, took away ALL my sugar related items, then made me clean the WHOLE brig with an _inerdental_ brush (a brush for getting to the spaces in between your teeth), and after that he made me go to bed early  
Oh yeah  
AND HE MADE ME WHERE A DUNCE HAT!  
Since when did giant robots from another planet know about dunce hats?  
Now all Prowl has to do is LOOK at me and I head for the hills

**#36 Career day can't take place at the Autobot base**  
The 'bots said I should be a lawyer since I like to argue so much  
Can I help it if I like to verbally prove that people are wrong?  
But I caved in on Career day  
So I came back in a suit with a suitcase  
Prowl was about to throw Sideswipe in the brig  
I gave Prowl a glare and said, "I highly suggest you let MY client go!"  
Prowl looked at me  
Sideswipe smiled  
I then went on to explain that Sideswipe was my client (everyone knows he needs a lawyer)  
And told Prowl, "Does he not get a fair trial? I THOUGHT WE WERE LIVING IN THE 21ST CENTURY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"  
So we had a trial  
Optimus was judge  
Smokescreen was baliff (I sometimes wonder about that guy...)  
Everyone else (which means everyone but Sideswipe, me, Smokescreen, Prowl, and Optimus) was the jury  
Sweet mercy that was a day to remember!  
Especially since Optimus really got into the part and wore a white wig (XD)

**#37 Do not insult an Autobot's paintjob**  
Yeesh!  
Who knew someome could be so picky about their paintjob?  
I was talking *cougharguingcouch* with Tracks  
Tracks said my headlights were ugly  
Although I wasn't actually really bothered by it...(but they were blue lights instead of regular ones so it still did hurt!)  
Which meant I had to insult Tracks' paintjob  
Bad move on my part  
He threw me into a wall  
And Prowl made me clean it up and apologize to Tracks  
T.T *pout*

**#38 Do not give the 'bots any ideas about dog collars**  
When I find the person who told them about collars *gets weapon ready* they answer to ME  
SIDESWIPE WALKED ME AROUND THE BASE WITH A DOG COLLAR AND A LEASH!  
AND WHEN PEOPLE ASKED WHAT HE WAS DOING, HE SAID, "I'm walking my pet."  
OOOH HOW THAT GOT MY GOAT!  
That day, I lost my dignity  
Sideswipe better know how to recharge with one optic open!

**#39 When I'm deeply involved in reading a book, do not snatch it away from me**  
I tend to zone out if I'm reading a good book  
No matter what Red alert tells you, I did not mean to slice his arm off  
I was acting off of instinct  
My instinct told me "get that book back no matter the cost"  
Still, I wound up in the brig (luckily I brought my book along with me ;) )

**#40 Do not fall asleep during a meeting**  
This is pretty self explanatory but still,  
For the love of Pete (what ever that means and whoever that is)  
I will tell you why  
The meeting was sooooooo boring  
I had got to sleep late last night  
I woke up with a puddle of drool and all the 'bots starin' at me  
I mumbled, "This is akward."  
Turns out I talk in my sleep  
And snore  
LOUDLY  
Ak-werd!


End file.
